i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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