i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Houston, we have a squirter
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
