It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize