I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Randomize
