do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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