Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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