Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
