in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
