She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
