Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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