i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
