I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
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