Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
