The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
You've changed since you got that strap on
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
