Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
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