when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize