Just fell off a train. Bad.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
