If i come over, it means nothing
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
she peed on how many people?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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