ya dads aren't the best wingmen
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
