dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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