Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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