I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
