Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
