I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
