before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
