is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
