Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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