why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
