get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
