I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
