Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
