That's when you crack a 10am beer
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
