he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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