Your face is a jimmy john
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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