But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
