i need an iv and a liver transplant
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
