this beer tastes like vomit already
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
