So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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