I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
