Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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