Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
