and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
