I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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