I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Is it penis luge time yet?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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