ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
