I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
