You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
