This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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