I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize