if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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