last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
