And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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