The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
