so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
