had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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