I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Sponge bath it is.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
