I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
