he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
