it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
