he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize