Having a random hookup so left but love u
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
