My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize