I want to walk on stilts...naked
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Be still, my beating vagina.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
