did you get engaged???
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
