worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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