so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Girls should come with a carfax report
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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