hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
