Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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