You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
