It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
