i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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