My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
