Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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