So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
