Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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