Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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