She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
