Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
