Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
