woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
