man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
