Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
